Thursday, Oct. 14, 2004 - 9:28 a.m.
~ large-and-in-charge lingerie ~
I bought new underwear.
In my Old Life, this would've been nothing remarkable. Buying matched sets of bras and panties to be seen in by one of my playpartners (once a pair of underwear was even stolen and EATEN by an admirer!), coats to go with particular outfits, sets of Rubbermaid to be stored, leather toys to be added to my many toybags, shoes to only be worn once a year, jewelry that might coordinate with clothes I might buy one day, books that I already owned but these had flashy new covers, fetishwear to add to my closet already bulging with pvc and mesh, and up-close tickets to Broadway shows was all part of a regular shopping spree in my Old Life. Now, underwear is a big ticket purchase and something to plan for and plot the course of from searswomansview.com to UPS to my front door.
The other noteworthy fact about my new underwear is their sheer enormity. They. Are. Huge. I haven't bought underwear in a while. During that time, I have gained some weight in new and fascinating places. Well, okay. Not exactly "fascinating" places. "Horrifying" might be a better word. The weight I've re-gained and gained has not distributed itself evenly throughout my body. The weight I've re-gained and gained has chummily gathered all in my stomach. This means that any underwear I buy has to be large-and-in-charge or fight a losing battle with the bulk that is my new belly.
I held up a pair this morning, a la Farmer Ted, to show Mr. Man. Stretched above my head, catching the morning light from our two huge bedroom windows, the new fuschia cotton briefs lit up with a rosy glow that challenged the brave flush in my cheeks as I tried to laugh off the shame I felt. Mr. Man tried to admire the underwear appropriately, but, really, it was a lost cause and I had to appreciate his efforts. I pulled the underwear on, hoping that they would indeed be much too huge and that I had mistakenly ordered "Gi-normously Obese" instead of "Fun And Fat". But, no. They fit. Perfectly. They were comfortable and they actually covered my entire belly, something I had thought underwear couldn't do anymore. I finished getting dressed for work and went to kiss Mr. Man goodbye.
Mr. Man did manage to put a positive spin on the new underwear: "Well, I'm pretty sure I won't be able to eat THOSE."