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Monday, Jul. 11, 2005 - 4:05 p.m.

- there are no bad guys here ~

He says Why do I bother to talk and I want to scream until both of us haveringing in our ears. He says You don't want me to have feelings and I want to shake him until my nails break off under the pressure of my fingers in his arms. He says What What Tell me What and I am out of words and tired of answering the same question once, twice, three times a day. He says You treat me like the bad guy and Why do you feel like you have to defend yourself against me and I want to cringe and curl up and cry until my eyes burn and my throat is hoarse. He says You don't talk to your friends like you talk to me and I can't find enough words in a language he'll understand to explain that I love him even though he is so different than everybody else in my life and that maybe that was why I chose him to be with. He says We are adversaries and I want to cling to him and make it all better just by touching him. He says I wish you would just be honest with you and honestly, I am at a loss to figure out what I am supposed to say. He says Why Why Why and I want to fade away so I don't have to see him looking at me with his hurting eyes.

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